Wednesday, 4 July 2012

less and less



My breaks from blogging seem to get longer and longer. It's not you, it's me. And all that. I've tried to make this blog a place of peace and beauty. The fact is that life is not that peaceful nor beautiful. Oh well, it's been peaceful as in boring, but inner peace has been harder and harder to reach and reality somewhere out of my reach. I feel I ought not to write here when I'm all grumpy or depressed, as I think the majority of my readers come here to see my new books and read about bookbinding. It somehow feels unfair to be all sad when life is actually well. So, I write less and less. I lose touch with my dear online friends as e-mails are left unanswered and blog comments unwritten. I fear I'll let people down, so I sabotage these few human contacts I have online. I wish I could be the girl who wrote long letters to far away friends during classes. I have nothing but time, but I'm afraid to do anything with it. Perfectionism, I truly abhor it.


Maybe this is an explanation to you. Maybe you didn't need an explanation. Maybe I'm just trying to say I'm sorry I'm not here for you the way I hope I could be.




photo from a churchyard in Hampstead, London. it was magical there.

12 comments:

karen said...

I always know where you are.....but it is still good to have you back for a few lines.

HUHU said...

Dear,don't be depressed.
You share your life and thoughts here with us,not just bookbinding.
I think some of your readers include me keep visiting here and making comments not because your are a bookbinder.
It is a nice thing to see your new words,which makes me happy.truely,I am a little afraid that you will not write blogs anymore......

Missouri Bend Paper Works said...

Kaija....I understand....many people understand exactly where you are. Thank you for take the time and energy to write this post....it's good to say a few words now and then just to keep the connections strong. You are loved and not just for your beautiful work! From across the seas....Patti

painted fish studio said...

you have nothing to be sorry for. your books are so beautiful, it would be wonderful to see them here and there but one must live life offline as well.

suzie said...

I completely understand. Every.Single.Word.

Jane S. said...

I've been there, more than once. Things do get better and you will again feel inner peace and the creative urge...hang in there!

katiecrackernuts said...

Less is OK. Really. It's just nice to see you here when you are.

ibb said...

It is easy to understand, those feelings sometimes are so common...
Don´t worry. Try to smile ;)

ratsinteacups said...

Every word you wrote about yourself is also true of me. You're not alone; I'm not alone. But it's so hard to remember that sometimes, with the perfection and the guilt and the sadness weighing on our minds. May you (and I) find peace soon.

Penny said...

Whatever is blogging for if not to share and sometimes (as with all life) the bad feelings can outweigh the good ones. That's when you need to hear from friends near and far that we understand.

Shannah said...

(hugs)

ersi marina said...

Well-being is not an obligation, you don't need to feel bad for not having it right now or for not pampering us with nice words and nice works. Life can be bitchy sometimes. Hell, it can be hell! Just take your time till you can bind things together again :)